The Last Of Us,Too
It was a grim day, the sky was overcast, the water around Doffcocker Lodge’s island was grey, cold, and choppy. On the shore opposite the island, beneath a gnarled willow, stood 15 volunteers braving the autumnal weather and waiting their turn to be ferried across the few dozen metres to the island. Two by two with tools and bags the volunteers crossed the water with James acting as ferryman, until all had passed over and stood surveying their world for the next few hours.
“The task today,” said Tom, “Is to cut back the vegetation, pull up any self-seeding regrowth, and harvest the willow. We’ll use the willow to reinforce the hurdles around the edge of the island to stop erosion. Put the brash behind the hurdles, this will help with the erosion control.”
“And if there’s any left we’ll build a wicker man for Francis,” said Colin, but nobody was listening.
Everybody began to pick up their tool of choice, bow saws, loppers, or slashers, then got to work on the island’s annual tidy up. After a couple of hours some areas were cleared and a nice pile of willow stems began to pile up ready for use.
“Tom what are these?” asked Craig, pointing at dozens of eggs sitting in hollows.
“They are Canada geese eggs,” said Tom. “Doffcocker used to be full of Canada geese, they’re not native and damage to the lodge. They graze the shoreline and dump [phosphates] in the water.”
“The eggs were treated with paraffin so they wouldn’t hatch. If they don’t hatch then there are no new geese, so over time the goose numbers dropped. This was something that happened years ago.”
“Did we do that?”asked Craig. “No,” replied Tom “We weren’t involved, it was work done by other groups. These eggs are old so whatever you do don’t break them.”
“Are they full of dead birds?” gasped Craig, “Jane, come here I’ve something to show you.”
And so the day went on. Just after dinnertime something strange began to happen. In the sky, glowing through the clouds, pale green flashes appeared, bursting silently like eerie flares.
“What is that?” asked Jeff. No one knew, not even Chris, who usually would.
The flashes continued for several minutes, then died away leaving a sense of unease in their wake. Shortly after, a dull cracking sound could be heard coming from nearby.
“Nathan, stop cracking your knuckles,” chided Katrina
“It’s not me…. it’s the eggs,” remarked Nathan.
Everybody stopped and stare at the pits full of eggs, each glowing the same green as the lights in the sky. One by one the eggs cracked open releasing small rotting goslings, and a foul stench. As each of the hatchlings caught sight of the volunteers they started to drag themselves forward, black fluid dripping from their twisted beaks and malformed wings.
“They’re hideous,” gasped Andrew, “It’s like a nightmare, a badly written nightmare,” and then ran behind a tree for a quick vape.
“We need to get off the island,” said someone sensible, but no one was listening.
“We need to get off the island,” said Tom, everyone agreed.
“We’ve got time, they’re not moving very fast,” said Jane bravely walking backwards.
Caroline took charge of the situation, “Everyone to the dinghy, women and children first…. Mark, get out of the dinghy.”
“It was worth a try,” groaned Mark climbing back on to the island.
“Joanne, Eve, you go first,”
“I’m not a kid,” complained Eve.
“Sshh, get in the boat, Ellie.. I mean Evie” said Joanne.
At that point the ground began to quake, the earth broke open and adult zombie Canada geese erupted from their graves. They staggered and croaked, as they tried to find their legs.. some literally. Then suddenly some of them rushed forward.
“Stop it, I’m a vegetarian,” screamed Francis as one of the undead birds tried to bite him.
“I don’t think they care,” quipped James.
“We’ll never get everyone off the island while they are attacking. Someone has to stay and fight them off while we escape,” suggested James.
Everybody shuffled around, looked at their phones, hummed, or pretended to be trying to remember something important.
“Looks like nobody’s nobody is gonna do it, so might as well be me,” sighed Caroline. “Tom, get everybody off the island. I’ll meet you in the pub.”
“But…,” garbled Tom
“Do as your told!” shouted Caroline picking up a slasher, walking towards the birds with purpose, and swinging the slasher at the putrid poultry like she was born to it.
The dinghy was built for 3 but that day it carried 14 across the few tens of yards to the shore. The group stood and stared across at the island. The decaying remains of the reanimated geese still quivered and crawled, their terrible cries echoing across the water. But of Caroline there was no sign.
An evil wind blew from the island beneath a grim sky.
“So, which pub are we going to?” asked Francis.
Sitting in the Doffcocker Inn the group sat and pondered their loss.
“She’ll be here soon Tom, I know she will,” said Jane optimistically.
“I hope so, I’ve bought her a pint,” replied Tom.
At that moment the door crashed open and in staggered Caroline, dripping lodge water and mud on the pubs newly refurbished flooring. She raised her hand and reached out to the group.
“You’ve earned this pint,” Tom said, “here,” and handed it towards her.
Caroline’s hand dropped from her wrist, dangling by a shred of flesh, black fluid dripping from the wound.
“Food,” she zombie groaned, “pub food”.
More zombies burst through the door, some still carrying their smartphones.
“Maybe I should have got her a half instead,” said Tom as the planet’s new rulers lurched forward.
And the screams of the living soon became the snarls of the undead.
And now what really happened. The weather was too bad to work on the island so we cut back willow along the edge of the reedbed instead. No one was eaten or turned in to a zombie, and the pub’s carpet wasn’t soiled in any way.
Halloween stuff from previous years can be found through this link
